I remember staring through the glass at the White Bear hippadrome, watching my little brother play hockey. At the time, my brother was 5 and I was 6. Every year I would beg my mom to let me join. She just told me, its too dangerous, or too expensive, but I knew what I wanted.

Back then, I was a figure skater. I was a terrible figure skater and I hated it. So when my mom asked me just before 7th grade if I wanted to play, of course, I said yes.

I did a fall camp that year. I remember the first time I fell in all my hockey equipment, I felt invisible. All the girls knew how to raise the puck when they shot and dangle and score and there i was, rocking back and forth on my new hockey skates.

My first year, I played 12b’s. I worked hard, but I was no where near where the other girls were. Over the summer, I did another camp. It was actually in Grand Rapids (weird, eh) The only thing I remember from it was winning some drill for my team.

That fall, during tryouts, I got cut from the team. Not only that but the whole White Bear association. And yeah, I was the only one they cut that year. I wasn’t about to give up there though. I played for Mahtomedi’s 14b team. That year, I scored my first 2 goals. The second goal was in triple overtime in the state tournament. That was the first shift I played center, and well, I’m still a center. (Ok maybe it was the 2nd shift but whatever) I’m still pretty proud of that one, even though it wasnt a snipe or anything.

The next season, I was torn on who to play for… White Bear or Mahtomedi… then something strange happened, they combined teams. Which is like really weird, that was the only season they ever did that. That season during tryouts, I made it into the A pool before being cut back to B’s. -I learned how to play center during this year, also scored a few more goals. I was still pretty shit but I gained a lot of confidence that year.

My first year of u19’s~ all I remember was coach Denny and Kenny sending the whole team out onto the ice in the middle of play. Then losing the state tournament even though we were top seed.

The next year- I moved up north and played JV. I learned so much about the game that year. I learned about positioning and worked on my speed. I was either the fastest or 2nd fastest out of JV and varsity. I spend a lot of time at the Taconite rink- yeahhh

My senior year, i played JV too. But by then, I was starting to get sick (I hadn’t realized this yet) I stopped improving even though I was right on that line of playing varsity. I went from one of the fastest to one of the slowest. I couldnt keep up with anyone even though I spent all my time skating or running around. This was the only season I every dreaded practice.

When I moved back to White Bear for college, I was so excited to get back to u19’s. I was finally better from my illness and I just couldn’t wait to get back on the ice.

And that brings me to this year, I never thought I’d be one to stand out on the ice. I never thought I’d be the one the coaches send out on penalty kill. Hell, I remember being the one being sent to the box whenever we got a too many men on the ice penalty… it’s crazy to think 8 years ago, I wore white skates and danced around on the ice. I’m so thankful for what this sport has given me. It gave me confidence. I proved to myself that I can do anything I set my mind to (cuz im stubborn as hell) It gave me friends, like the best of friends that last a lifetime. It gave me a place to be when I didn’t want to be home. It gave me something to believe in when there wasnt too much hope in my world. It made me healthier and happier and gave me something to be proud of.


Poetry #4


A piece of wood

Withered away by the water

Edges smoothed over time

Colors faded by the sun

The sea takes the wood

But the wood doesn’t know where

Soon, the water leads it up to the shore

Thats where the driftwood’s path crossed mine

I pick it up and wonder how many months this wood has spent out on the sea

I admire the intricate knots and lines left on the wood from when it was a living thing

Then I turn toward the water and chuck it as far as I can

I’m jealous of the driftwood.

To the Sinners…

Temptation lies

Among sins and slate

Purity dies

As you find yourself standing at hells gate

Think Before you Speak

Because words are just words

unless they make a



My favorite time of day is when the sun sets over the horizon

The day is finally coming to a close, tempertures begin to fall, as does the sun

First, a golden orange lights up the sky

As the rays fall further, they bend around earths surface to create the vibrant reds and purples and pinks

Its such a special time of day

Golden faces soon turn towards the west

Only trying to take in those fleeting moments before the world goes black

Theres not many times where nature is able to create such beauty in soaring colors

Only once a day do we get to see the sun fall to the west

The end of a day for us, but the beginning for another

Poetry #3

You, Me and the Sea

At sea in my mind
Tryin’ to figure wrong from right
To see love from behind
Only to realize there was never a sight

For a second, I assume
You really cared
But now I’m the past, a healed wound
Cold sea air…

You stand high and mighty
On a thrown of rocks
Always weary of the flighty
Looking out towards the docks

I followed my dreams

I left, hoping you’d follow
But now, it seems
It was too much to swallow

Looking out towards me
Head in my hands
Then back out to the sea
Soon forgetting about land

The Ugliest Flower

This hatred grows like a flower

Growing steadily

Under the perfect conditions

You give it plenty of water and sunlight

And this flower grows to be the ugliest of them all


Fuck you.

The Bridge

I’ve climbed out of that raging river, pulled myself out of the sludge and onto the shore.

I’ve picked myself up off that highway. I played frogger across so many lanes of traffic that I lost count.

Now, I stand here atop a bridge.

On the other side, theres beautiful woods and freedom. I see a future of success.

I look down at the river though. Even with the monster who lurks below the surface, it still looks tempting. The sun reflects on the waters surface, I remember the golden sand between my toes.

I look down at the highway though. Even with the cars and trucks speeding below, it still looks tempting. The beauty of a night drive, music blasting from the speakers, no destination and nowhere to be.

Then I remember the way the water pulled me under. The fish and underwater monsters attacking my legs. How I was forced to escape the raging river with all my strength.

Then I remember the car breaking down and nobody being there to help. How I was forced to run across evading vehicles. The highway was never my friend.

But here I stand, on the bridge. Not over the bridge, because I’m not over the river, not over the highway.

Poetry #2


When I look at you, no words come to mind

Just a blankness

One that I’ve never had before

There never used to be this silence between us

Even in silence, our eyes still spoke

Our bodies still spoke

The Sea

Why do you try to write your name in the water?

Why do you try on the beaches?

The water laps on the shore for eternity and always will erase your name.

But the sea never forgets, he just chooses not to remember.

The sea can take you

But you can’t take it.

I Wish…

I wish I could say “I love you” to the boy I dream of. He laughs and tells me how we met. He stands by the water with me. He lets me hug him. He loves the words I write.

I wonder if he’s still real, or just a figment of my imagination? Someone long gone and imprisoned in my mind…